The 'what the fuck happened?' chapter
Series Tiny Hearts
Chapter Three
Written by astrarisks
Airdate March 1, 2015
Rating G
Word count 1,198
Previous Chapter Two
Next Chapter Four

Have we discussed just how exactly Anna would have managed to get clothes on Elsa? Because that must have been awkward, waking up to a naked woman on top of her, chasing her through the house trying to put clothes on her because Rapunzel could show up any minute. (ANNA CHASING A VERY EXCITED AND VERY NAKED ELSA AROUND HER APARTMENT HOPING TO GOD RAPUNZEL DOESN'T WALK IN BECAUSE HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE)

Anna actually rather liked her dorm room. Like, it had a really cozy living room with a really plushy green sofa (which was more than she had asked for) and with it she could very safely ignore all her other pestering idiot neighbors (of which there were many). Some of the particularly obnoxious often decided to throw wild rave parties at one in the morning with the bass thrumming through her whole floor when she tried to sleep, and Anna was at her wit's end to figuring out how in the world they hadn't gotten evicted by the landlord yet.

Though, perhaps the greatest thing about this room at the current moment was its huge slab of a wooden door. It was pretty useful for blocking out noise (except those god-awful parties) (... and the sound of her next-door neighbor's girlfriend) though of course it didn't stop any vibrations (again, detrimental when he had his significant other around). Understandably, it was also very useful for blocking the bamboozled, bouncy path of a very excited and very naked dog turned pet turned woman.

...Though, what did that make Elsa then, anyway? A dog-pet-human?

Anna struggled over the rather pressing issue for all of two seconds before blankly blinking at the crazed trail of pale skin and flyaway blonde hair currently zipping its merry way around her tiny room before she shot to her feet in a jumble of cloth and belated limbs, lifting a foot and fully intending to chase after her hyperactive pet- er, well, just...Elsa.

It was, she mused, so much easier when Elsa was a tiny little ball of fluff that more often than not was tripping over her own feet.

Clearly, the universe had some unjustified vendetta it needed to fulfill with her name written all over it, because Anna managed to trip over her own pants legs within the first millisecond of charging forward, and thus landed with a nasty thud, face-first down onto the ground.

She made a very loud, obnoxious mental not to herself to go see the self-help section (and perhaps a hypnotist) to get rid of her clumsiness in the split seconds before the blinding pain cracked through her head.

"OWWWW-" then, upon realizing that it was seven in the morning and everyone of her particularly obnoxious neighbors were probably nursing hangovers and Rapunzel could be waiting out the door at this very moment, her hand poised to knock against that totally thick wooden door (it really wasn't thick at all), "-WWWOOOOOkay- ow -"

Something tapped lightly against her side and Anna let out a rather pitiful, muffled shriek as her face was ground even further into the carpeted floor, some heavy weight crashing down onto her backside and nearly breaking her spine.

"Anna okay?" came a ridiculously cheerful voice, echoing somewhere from the nonexistent fluffy clouds above. "C'mon, les' go an' play! Play! Play!"

"Nononono- Elsa, I'm not okay!" Anna yelled as best as she could, trying in vain to throw the weight off of her back. "Get off me!"

"...Nnnnnnnnnrghmlasssssffmmmmm," was what came out of her currently squished mouth. She saw her right arm flop vaguely like a fish might out of water through blurry vision.

She nearly shrieked against when something soft nuzzled against her ear and- oh dear, is she licking my face?

"...Oh god," Anna said, very calmly through a mouthful furry green carpet, as the adventurous tongue traversed down the side of her cheek and dangerously close to her mouth.

And...someone really needed to teach Elsa to brush her teeth, Anna meekly thought. And that someone would undoubtedly be her.

Anna decided while she was eating her own dust bunnies she'd stupidly decided not to vacuum away last night because reasons (reasons that included the usual I'm a proud member of the procrastination nation and I was really tired okay) that she was suffering through her midlife crisis and wondered what that said about how long she'd be living for.

Then the weight suddenly was transferred away from her back, which was a relief, and the tongue slipped away from her face (which was an even greater relief), and Anna struggled to climb to her feet, wondering vaguely why her arms were flailing through the air and why she couldn't retain her balance. She only realized too late that Elsa had attached herself to her right leg, nuzzling against her pants leg and curled in a ludicrous position around the appendage like it was a strip pole, and then for the second time in as many minutes Anna found herself faceplanting onto the ground. She could have sworn her nose really did break that time, but there was no way to tell because she couldn't actually feel it anymore (though that also could have been because she literally felt her brain cells committing suicide like a colony of death-wishing lemmings).

And of course, because the universe still hadn't apparently filled its allotted quota of Torture the Anna for the day, a series of three strong knocks came rapping on her door.

"Anna?" Rapunzel's voice came floating through the air. "You in there? I have the report!"

"Yeah!" Anna squeak-shouted as best as she could, beginning to pull herself to the door awkwardly, Elsa still hanging happily off of her leg with her tongue lolling like some sort of...well, dog. "Coming!"

Anna counted seventy-two seconds and she had made it a pitiful two feet heading toward the door. I really need to start going to the gym.

"Anna?" Rapunzel's voice was slightly more worried now. "You okay?"

"Totally...fine...!" Anna wheezed, futilely giving her right leg a shake to see if Elsa would detach herself from her thigh.

Elsa did not remove herself and instead arched forward and happily laved at Anna's shoulder.

"Play! Play! Play!"


Another five agonizing minutes must have passed before Anna finally managed to drag herself and her pet (...human...) to the door. Wheezing and feeling as if her lungs were about to collapse in and on themselves, she groped blindly for the knob of the door and flung it open before collapsing at a pair of feet.

The door hit Anna's forehead and she yelped in pain before shuffling back a few inches, snatching at the edge of the door with her fingertips and finally managing to edge it open to reveal Rapunzel in her full, stunned glory.

And so it came to be that Rapunzel was greeted with a faceful of a ridiculously flushed Anna, sprawled in a most undignified manner across the carpet with her limbs akimbo, an unidentifiable blonde naked woman who was taller than she was hanging off of her right leg and currently licking her way steadily down Anna's outstretched arm with a fantastically content expression on her face:


Rapunzel stared.

Anna winced.

"Nooononono please don't run away I can explain I swear to God really-"

"...I told Eugene that he was not allowed to throw in any sort of potentially hallucinogenic mushrooms into my scrambled eggs," Rapunzel quietly said, much to Anna's unending despair, and then collapsed onto the couch.